2 for you, none for me

It's that time of year...again. The school supply lists are out. It's time for us parents to put down the fun of summer and fight each other at the local walmart for that last pack of 10 cent pencils. As I walked through the aisles of walmart a few days ago, I couldn't help but to start feeling the stress. I don't even HAVE my kids' lists. Yet, as I walked past the completely empty aisles of supplies snatched up as if the educational apocolypse was upon us, I couldn't stop my heart from beginning to race, adrenaline pumping and the fear of being that parent who's kids show up unprepared. Today, though, is not like yester-year when Mom knew exactly what was needed without any stinkin' list.

 Now, it's truly a treasure hunt. Teachers have gotten to be extremely OCD with what these kids show up with. To make it worse, they, now, don't want the kids showing up on uneven grounds. Noooo. They want everyone to be the same. The teachers specificy that Little Johnny can't have the coolest Transformer pencils, and Suzie Q can't have that hot pink trapper keeper. Nope. Not at all. The thing that used to be so fun about back-to-school supply shopping is now gone. Now, it's not fair for Johnny to have those cool pencils when his classmate's mom chose to buy him plain yellow. Suzie can't have that hot pink Trapper Keeper because most of the other kids are going to have plain folders. Nevermind that Suzie Q will probably be well dressed anyways so she'll still be set apart. Not to mention, kids aren't getting picked on for having uncool pencils. The powers that be, though, truly think these stupid mandates are going to help. So, we get the supply list. Ok, fine. Well, that wasn't good enough. See, parents still had this idea in their heads that, since they are the ones buying supplies for their child, they would buy what they wanted. 12 pencils? Ok, 12 Princess pencils. Gotcha. Or "12 pencils? That's too many. Here's 6." Once again, the kids are not on even ground. So teachers put out lists to parents BUT take the supplies and dump them into one big community bucket for the class. You send little Sarah in with 12 pencils but Becky came in with 3. Well, now both girls have 7 pencils. That's fair, right? Well, wait. Sarah's mom paid for SARAH to have 12. Sarah's mom isn't responsible for Becky. That's up to Becky's parents. Many parents don't care for this. So schools do it a bit more sneaky now. They simply just don't tell the parents that it's all being shared. Imagine my surprise when I bought every single item on Kaitlyn's list for Kindergarten, yes all special stuff, just to have her come home from school crying cause they were taken from her.

Now, the way I see it, why should supplies be pooled? Supplies are always on sale at the end of the summer for 10-50 cents apiece. If Becky's mom isn't willing to take $5 to the store and get her kid supplies, why is that my problem? What's next? Are we going to pool the classroom's wardrobe? Why not? It would be more fair, right?

To add to it, these teachers get crazy specific about what is needed.

•  36 #2 pencils(cause we are going to feed them to the trash monster)
• pencil box (8x5)
• 3 composition books with kinder-wide rule and half blank pages(of course I'm not going to tell you what store has these. You need to search it out)
• 36 glue sticks 3oz (they don't come in 3oz but you'll have fun searching. don't forget to get 36 of them. Yes, I want 36 sticker PER CHILD in my class cause I am going to teach them how to deactivate bombs with these)
• ziploc bags-boys bring 1 gallon, girls bring quart( I think the reason for this size difference is obvious)
• 2 boxes of 24 crayons (no, 4 boxes of 12 would not be accepted)
• bottle of hand sanitizer GermX, Purell, or Dial (if you bring me some off brand crap, I will embarass your child)
• 3 PRONG paper folders in blue, red, yellow, green and purple (yes, I know these will look like crap in a month causing you to have to replace them EVERY 2 months when they aren't on sale)
• 5 bottle of paint
• 3 art smocks
• headphones
• 3 boxes of kleenex
• 2 bottles of clorox wipes( no, not lysol. I have OCD, remember? Yeah, I know you don't buy these for your own house but you're buying them from me. You won't even notice me sneaking these home. I have a fetish)
• 4 EXPO brand black dry erase markers (only that brand. I don't feel like buying my own supplies for work so you are going to provide them for me. Keep in mind I expect gifts for Christmas, Teacher's day, and the last day of school, and it better NOT be chocolate or some crappy homemade thing. I expect gift cards!)

Yes, supply lists look something like this. I wasn't making it up about the 36 pencils. That's really on their lists. Crazy, right? What do you do with all these supplies, teachers?! *sigh* Since we are trying to teach our kids to follow the rules, we have to set an example. So, yes, I'll buy 12 36 pencils. I'll get you your damn 36 glue sticks. But I will tell you this. Beggars can not be choosers. I am not getting your dry erase markers or clorox wipes and your hand sanitizer will be the bobo brand. I will get a pencil box that is an 8x6. Clorox wipes will be paper towels and 409 spray. Since I have ONE child in your class, I will buy ONE art smock. I may seem trivial to you but I count these as small victories. I also wish you much patience as you will have to deal with me all year long, baby. Yes, I am THAT mom. I love being THAT mom. When this year is over, I will be THAT mom that still makes you grind your teeth at 2am all summer. I am a stay-at-home mom, lady. I have nothing better to do. Remember, I went through the school system. I'll take all of my past issues out on you and let me warn you, I was also THAT child that got away with everything in school. I know how far I can push it. And I hope those kids don't have you in a corner stoning you with all 36 pencils that EACH of them just had to have. You enjoy the rest of your summer cause, come day 1 of school, it's game on, lady.